Sexual and relationship well-being are strongly intertwined. It is thus crucial to consider how sexual and relational factors interact to foster positive sexual experiences. Attachment insecurity is one such relational factor that is associated with lower sexual well-being (
Stefanou & McCabe, 2012). However, studies investigating the mechanisms underlying the association between attachment and sexual well-being have often used samples of individuals (e.g.,
Brassard et al., 2015;
Lafortune et al., 2021) rather than couples, neglecting the dyadic nature of partnered sexual activity. They are also mostly cross-sectional, utilize single occasion measures of sexual well-being, and involve young individuals (e.g.,
Dang et al., 2018;
Goldsmith et al., 2016), which limits our knowledge of how attachment contributes to partners’ emotional experiences during sexual activity in more established couples. Moreover, one core principle of attachment theory is that three behavioral systems are central to optimal couple functioning: attachment, caregiving, and sex (
Shaver et al., 1988). However, most research has focused on attachment and sexuality exclusively, omitting the role of caregiving in couples’ sexual well-being. Yet, people can have sex to meet their own attachment needs (i.e., feeling closer to their partner), but also for a caregiving purpose (i.e., showing their partner love;
Davis et al., 2004;
Impett et al., 2008). Whether they engage in sex to boost their own sense of security in the relationship (i.e., attachment) or to nurture their partner (caregiving) might explain why individuals with attachment insecurities report lower sexual well-being, but to our knowledge
, this has never been tested
. Thus, using a daily diary design, we examined the associations among attachment insecurities, attachment and caregiving sexual motives, and positive and negative emotions during sexual activities in established couples.
Sexual motives: Integrating attachment, caregiving, and sex
Engaging in sexual activity is a potent means to fulfill both attachment needs (e.g., intimacy, love, reassurance) and caregiving goals (e.g., to soothe and nurture the partner;
Péloquin et al., 2013). In other words, a healthy approach to sexuality can promote intimacy in the relationship and enable partners to comfort each other. When individuals are low on attachment insecurities, their sexual motives usually represent a balance between asserting their own needs and being sensitive to the needs of their partner, which promotes the sexual well-being of both partners (
Birnbaum & Reis, 2019).
However, attachment insecurities may taint sexual motives and the likelihood of endorsing attachment and caregiving sexual motives. Indeed, individuals with attachment avoidance are less likely to have sex to foster intimacy in the relationship (i.e., attachment sexual motives;
Davis et al., 2004;
Dixon et al., 2022;
Impett et al., 2008;
Schachner & Shaver, 2004), reflecting their tendency to deny their attachment needs and maintain an interpersonal distance (
Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016). Consistent with their tendency to offer less support (
Feeney & Collins, 2019), they are also less likely to endorse caregiving sexual motives such as using sex to reassure or value their partner (
Davis et al., 2004;
Péloquin et al., 2013;
Schachner & Shaver, 2004).
Conversely, individuals high in attachment anxiety tend to endorse more attachment sexual motives: they use sex to feel closer to their partner, get reassured, and maintain their partner’s approval (
Cooper et al., 2006;
Davis et al., 2004;
Impett et al., 2008;
Schachner & Shaver, 2004). Regarding caregiving sex motives, whereas some studies suggest that these individuals sometimes endorse caregiving motives (e.g., to nurture or please the partner;
Davis et al., 2004;
Dixon et al., 2022;
Impett et al., 2008), others show that they are less likely to endorse these sexual motives (
Péloquin et al., 2013), or that attachment anxiety is unrelated to caregiving sexual motives (
Schachner & Shaver, 2004). This might reflect the relational ambivalence that is often experienced by individuals high in anxiety: they want to care for their partner, but are often overwhelmed by their own distress and fear of being rejected, which interferes with their ability to attend to their partner’s needs (
Mikulincer & Shaver, 2016;
Mikulincer et al., 2010).
Findings regarding gender differences in the links between attachment and sexual well-being have been inconsistent in past literature. Indeed, some studies have shown that while attachment insecurities tend to be associated with similar sexual motives in men and women (e.g.,
Davis et al., 2006;
Impett et al., 2005;
Schachner & Shaver, 2004), a few studies have reported some differences (e.g.,
Cooper et al., 2006;
Gewirtz-Meydan & Finzi-Dottan, 2018). For instance, in a sample of mixed-sex/gender couples,
Impett et al. (2008) found that higher attachment anxiety was associated with having sex to please one’s partner in men only. They also found that women (but not men) higher in attachment avoidance were more likely to have sex to prevent their partner from losing interest in the relationship. To our knowledge, only one study included gender diverse couples and showed that the links between attachment insecurities and sexual satisfaction were the same regardless of gender identity (
Mark et al., 2018). Research is therefore needed to reconcile these mixed results.
Attachment insecurities, sexual motives and sexual well-being
Studies suggest that individuals tend to endorse (or not) attachment and caregiving sexual motives in a way that is coherent with their attachment representations. However, we know very little about the role of attachment and caregiving sexual motives in couples’ sexual well-being. Studies examining sexual motives using theoretical approaches other than attachment theory may nonetheless provide indirect support for these associations. For instance, engaging in sexual activity to foster an emotional connection (
Stephenson et al., 2011) and to meet the partner’s sexual needs (
Impett et al., 2020) are linked to higher daily and long-term sexual satisfaction in both partners, suggesting that attachment and caregiving sexual motives might be linked to higher sexual well-being during sex in both partners (i.e., more positive emotions and less negative emotions). However, endorsing attachment and caregiving sexual motives might be associated with lower sexual well-being if attachment insecurity is driving these motives. That is, whereas having sex to promote closeness might be beneficial for the sex lives of individuals with secure attachment, this might not be the case for individuals with attachment anxiety, who crave intimacy with their partner. Similarly, because individuals high in avoidance are less likely to endorse both attachment and caregiving sexual motives, it might explain why these individuals and their partners report lower sexual well-being. Indeed, a study showed that sexual motives driven by insecurities (e.g., engaging in sexual activity to get reassurance about one’s value) partially explained the associations between attachment insecurities and lower sexual satisfaction in long-term couples (
Gewirtz-Meydan & Finzi-Dottan, 2018).
Péloquin et al. (2013) also found that individuals with attachment anxiety were less likely to engage in sexual activity to show their partner that they are valued (i.e., caregiving goal), which was then associated with lower sexual satisfaction. However, research is needed to understand how sexual encounters that are motivated by the attachment and caregiving systems are associated with both partners’ emotions during sex. More investigation is also warranted regarding potential gender differences in these associations. That is, some studies have shown that specific sexual motives generally are associated with the same sexual outcomes for men and women (e.g.,
Day et al., 2015;
Péloquin et al., 2013), but other studies have suggested otherwise (e.g.,
Gewirtz-Meydan & Finzi-Dottan, 2018).